So I began to meditate daily. For the forty days I did the First Sutra Mantra. It is a meditation created to connect the finite to the infinite. I always told people that it also helped build compassion because it means that we are all connected and we are all the same. The Mantra was:
Humee Hum Tumee Tum Wahe Guru
I am thine, in mine myself Wahe Guru
(http://www.3ho.org/summer-solstice/program/theme/)
The thing that I loved about this form of meditation was that the mantra was sung. I know myself well so, if I was only supposed to think a mantra I would either get completely off track, I would fall asleep or both. Every part of my body was also engaged. One hand was pointed to the sky and the other rested on my heart. My hands had a job so I was less likely to fidget. I also had to focus my eyes or my intention on the space between my eyebrows, my third eye. This takes focus too so it was another way to prevent my mind from wandering.
As I progressed through the forty days my mind did different things. In the first week, I had an incredibly difficult time focusing on anything. My thoughts were very scattered. Then I would get really really bored and I would wonder when the meditation would be over. I would also worry that maybe I hadn't set my alarm and i had been meditating for half an hour. Right after that feeling of boredom was when I really felt like it was worth it. Everything got really quiet. I couldn't hear any noise in my house. I started to appreciate the short silences between phrases. I felt like I had supersonic hearing. It was a beautiful feeling and the alarm seemed to come too early.
As I continued meditating every day it became a little bit easier to go to that silent place. I always had to go through that phase of lots of thought and then intense boredom but I would always get there. I taught my friend Griffin how to meditate. She said that she would get really dizzy when she did it and she would always be worried about losing herself for some reason. I experienced the dizziness a few times but I don't think it was ever to the extent that she felt.
I did however have a few weird experiences. The weird experiences weren't the purpose of the meditation but it's still fun to mention them. When I was in my bedroom at home for two days in a row I felt an incredibly strong presence in my room. So strong that I had to open my eyes and stop meditating because I felt really vulnerable. I ended up just ignoring it but it was very odd. When I went back to school there was one day when I was meditating in my room facing a sofa with my roommate and I heard someone come in the room and plop onto a sofa to come and listen to us meditate. I also thought my other roommate was there sitting at her desk. I was really happy that people had come to listen and I was excited to open my eyes when I was done so I could explain what the meditation was and ask if they wanted to join the next day. When I opened my eyes It was only my roommate and I in the room. It was very odd. I was completely convinced that someone was sitting in the sofa in front of me. I don't know what those things mean but I just wanted to share them.
When I went to College I was a bit worried about what people would think of me just singing a strange song to myself. I did it anyway. A way to cope with that fear was to teach other people how to do it. A week before I went I texted my roommate letting her know that I was doing this. She was incredibly open and wonderful. She was also eager to try it with me. Meditating at school and meditating at home are completely different experiences. On my first day back, I explained to my friends that I was doing this meditation and they said, "lets do it right here right now". Right here, right now was outside the dorm, in the grass, where people moving in were walking by. I was very hesitant but I ended up doing it. It was pretty difficult to concentrate. I kept just listening to other people's voices and visualizing where the people moving in were standing in relation to me. I couldn't get to my perfect place of silence. I thought it was fine though. The meditation stopped being about me and more about my friends. I enjoyed it so I wanted to share it. If that came at the price of my own meditation that was perfectly okay. My friend Julia after the meditation said that she didn't know her mind could possibly be that still. That was important to her. The next day I did it with my room mate who also really enjoyed it. We started doing it together every day for a few days. We would go outside in our pajamas and sit on a hill facing a busy street and meditate. I learned how to drown out the sound of the passing cars and focus on my meditation.
These last few days I have been doing my meditation alone. My friends lost interest a bit which I understand. I was surprised I could do it for this long. I also think that I needed to get back to that place where meditation was good for me. Yesterday (well I guess it was two days ago now since it's 12:30) I went to the nearby forest and stayed in solitude for three and a half hours. After being surrounded by people all the time I really needed it. In that time I meditated without a timer and without a worry. I was happy. I opened my eyes and right in front of me there was a beautiful bird standing on a floating branch on the pond drying her wings. It was perfect. Even though it wasn't the last day of the meditation it felt like a goodbye ceremony to this meditation.
I am so glad that I decided to do these forty days of meditation. It was a wonderful experience and it was a perfect introduction to meditation for me. Whenever I do it I feel more connected to the world and less lonely, even if I do it by myself. I am so thankful for being taught the meditation and I am going to try and experiment with other meditations. I know that this meditation is part of a series of meditations that we have to do every year so I think I am going to do this again next year. I am excited to begin!
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